I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
