You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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