Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
