All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
