Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm like, not good at living.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
