I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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