At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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