I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
