I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
