Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
