I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
