Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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