You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
