well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
