I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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