I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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