Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize