He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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