I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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