i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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