you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
