the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
