i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize