somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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