it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
