physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
