i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
