im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
