I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
