I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
