Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
