Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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