I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
