I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
