i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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