He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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