She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
