There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
