Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
