I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
