Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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