do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
