I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
