So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
