I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
