1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
