And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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