Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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