Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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