So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
