Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
