once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
