When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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