I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I can't turn off my feet"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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