Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
