Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
