I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
