DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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