i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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