Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
