Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
