In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
