after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
