so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
