Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
