Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The uberlube is also flammable
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
